Monsters in Your House: The Pant-a-Loon

The Pant-a-Loon lives in your pants and in your leiderhosen.
It’s thin and soft and lives wrapped up inside the pants you’ve chosen.

It slithers in a pants leg, either left one or the right ones.
Its favorites are the baggy kind and always shuns the tight ones.

The Pant-a-Loon sleeps patiently until you put on slacks
And then the flat and sneaky beast awakens and attacks.

The way you beat the Pant-a-Loon and not end up its food?
You simply must take off your pants and walk around half-nude.

Epitaphs III

Here I lie,
Weiling Chan,
Sliced to death by a ceiling fan.
I rest now in heaven
And hear angels chatter
All the while looking
Like a cold deli platter.

Little Nell

Little Nell ate honey
Directly from the hive.
If Nell had just removed the bees
She still might be alive.