Slug

Slug, oh slug.
Not a worm nor a bug.
You’re squishy and easy to chase.

I can’t nap on the lawn
‘Cause on me you’ll crawl on
And leave slime trails all over my face.

The Awful Truth About Bellybuttons

From the time you are a baby
‘Til the time you’re old and smelly,
There is a little dimple
In the middle of your belly.

Some people call it “navel”
Or simply call it “button”.
You’ve got one if you’re skinny
Or if you are a glutton.

Some are big like dinner plates
Or tiny like a mint.
But either if they’re "in" or "out"
They all collect some lint.

So here’s a secret you should know
And it may make you scoff.
But if you press your navel in
Your butt will drop right off.

Crazy Pizza Guy

Crazy little pizza guy
Used to be a lawyer.
He said to me, “That’s fourteen bucks.
I slept with Dianne Sawyer.”

Order up a plain calzone
With spicy garlic bread.
“Six fifteen’s your total, sir.
There’s Twinkies in my head.”

Chicken cutlet parmigiana
With lots of extra cheese.
“Satan swims inside my pants.
That’s seven dollars, please.”

Pizza boxes stacked with care.
Pasta dishes bake-ed.
“Here’s your change and come again.
‘Cause I’m the God of Naked.”

When You Wish Upon Some Spit…

When you walk on down the street
There will be spit beneath your feet.
When you spot that gob down there
Offer up this little prayer:

Glisten, glisten glob of spit.
On the sidewalk you do sit.
In my mouth you’re usually found.
Now you slicken-up the ground.
Glisten little glob of spew.
Make this wish of mine come true.

Chihuahua Headed Ted

Ted had a Chihuahua head
It wasn’t all too man-ish.
He didn’t mind the buggy eyes
It’s just he spoke no Spanish.

Little No-Face

There was a precious little girl
She didn’t have a face.
Just perfect, smooth unblemished skin
That took her features place.

No eyes to tear, no teeth to floss,
No breath all hot and stinky.
But with no nose she found she had
No place to put her pinky.

Necessity Is Very Much So, The Mother of Invention

There was a guy named Hairy Bob
‘Cause hairless he sure wasn’t.
He had a wife named Norma Belle
Who may have been his cousin.

Norma’s birthday was that day.
Bob knew not what to get her.
So he shaved some patches off his back
And knitted her a sweater.