Connie, The Piercing Fanatic

She pierced her earlobes one by one.
Then pierced them twelve more times for fun.

And soon her lobes were filled with rings
So Connie punctured other things.

Her eyebrows were the next things skewered,
One hundred rings, so mark my word.

Off her nose ten rings were hung
And then nine barbells through her tongue.

With no room left upon her face
She went and pierced near everyplace.

Connie pierced her body speedily
‘Til all her skin was pierced and needle-y.

She went outside to show the world.
But just then dark storm clouds unfurled.

It rained on Connie, now she’s gone.
She rusted to death right there on the lawn.

Little Nell

Little Nell once bit her tongue
And found she liked the taste.
So she kept right on chewing
'Til she gnawed off half her face.

Little Nell

Little Nell baked poison tarts
Spiced with toxic waste.
That's fine 'cept Nellie gave the batter
Just a little taste.

Crooked Pete

In a crooked little house
On a crooked little street
Lived a crooked little man
And his name was Crooked Pete.

Crooked Pete was called as such
‘Cause of his crooked back.
Both mentally and physically,
Pete was out of whack.

Crooked Pete lived in his house
With Bruce who was his dog
Who lay still ‘cause he had no legs
And looked just like a log.

And every morning, every day
Bruce’s tail would wag.
‘Cause Crooked Pete would leash Bruce up
And take him for a drag.

Epitaphs II

Here lies the body of Jessica Booth,
A spinster who tried to recapture her youth.
She passed when attempting to play some Cat’s Cradle
But the move she called “Neck-sies” is what proved to be fatal.

Monsters in Your House: The Constrictor Worm

Constrictor Worms look just like ties
And come from Zanzibar.
And since you can’t tell tie from worm
They are the worst by far.

The worm hangs in your closet
And will get you in a jiffy
When you have to get all dressed-up nice
And looking sharp and spiffy.

The worm will tighten ‘round your neck
Until you hit the ground.
Then it just unwraps itself
And swallows you right down.

It’s easy to avoid the worm,
A fact you can’t deny.
To live a happy, worm-free life
Just never wear a tie.

Little Nell

Little Nell fell in a wok
And that's not very nice.
She's now known as a "Number 6"
Or simply "Nell Fried rice".