Epitaphs X

Here in the earth is Juanita DeFudds
Who passed when she fell in a pile of spuds.
She would have survived and not lay lengthwise
If she weren’t peeled and sliced and served as french fries.

Little Nell read paperbacks
Then licked the books she read.
One million tiny paper cuts
Is the reason Nellie’s dead.

Shaven Davey

Davey went and shaved his beard
And what a mood he’s in.
‘Cause when he clipped his face hair off
He found he had no chin.

Now with no chin, Dave went insane
And thought he was Abe Lincoln.
‘Cause Dave found out he had no part
To scratch when he was thinkin’.

Those Shiny Kids

Those shiny kids were one foot tall.
Yup, they were kind of tiny.
But they made up for being small
‘Cause man, those kids were shiny.

Those shiny kids, both girls and boys,
Were just as bald as eggs.
Just shiny skin, no hair at all
In armpits or on legs.

Those shiny kids were always dressed
In foil pants and blazers.
They bought their duds with cash they saved
From never buying razors.

Little Nell went picnic-ing
And wore her taffy pants.
She died when both of Nellie’s legs
Were gobbled off by ants.

Dog Poop

In my yard, a tube of waste.
I surely do not wannit.
For with bare feet, I surely know,
That I will trod upon it.

Little Nell, she played the harp.
“I’m good,” is what she said.
She tripped and fell on it and now
Resembles sliced up bread.