Little Nell played darts one time

And died during her match.

But Nellie never threw a dart.

She thought it best to catch.

 

Little Nell gave blood one day

And fell all out of sorts.

That giving and so-caring Nell,

Donated fourteen quarts.

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Little Nell was nervous
So she bit her nails all day.

She died because she didn’t stop

And chewed her hands away.

Steven and his Deadly Cheeks

Steven had some chubby cheeks,
Right below his eyes.
Round and pink and pliable
And of tremendous size.

Steven went out for a walk
And drew his final breath.
A strong wind flapped those cheeks about
And beat poor Steve to death.

Bacon Fat

I ate a bowl of pork-y grease,
A fact that I ain't fakin'.
And now when I go exercise
My sweat smells just like bacon.

 

Little Nell ate road kill
And then ran out of luck.
Her diet didn’t do her in.
She got hit by a truck.

Little Nell made chicken pie
To try and catch a fella.
Her only flaw? She ate it raw
And died of Salmonella.

Little Nell made hamburger
In Grandma’s old meat grinder.
She worked non-stop for 14 days.
Now nobody could find her.

Little Nell bought sharks as pets
And fed them rainbow trout.
But feeding sharks by hand was bad
As Nellie soon found out.

Little Nell wore suet shoes;
A pair of "Wides" not "Narrows".
But she passed on when set upon
By flocks of hungry sparrows.

The True Story Of Those Bears And That Girl With The Golden Hair

A family of bears
Found a blonde girl upstairs
Asleep on top one of their beds.

Annoyed with her snore-age
And without breakfast porridge,
They ate up the blonde girl instead.

A Short Term Relationship

Simple Steven Moulder
Was smitten with a boulder.

He loved her and he told her
And yet she grew much colder.

So then he went and rolled her
'Cause she was so much older.

Be Careful What You Pick and Eat.

I ate the berry "Straw".
I ate the berry "Blue".
I ate the berry "Raz"
And I ate the "Huckle" too.

I ate the berry "Boysen"
But the fact that stays as single,
I never have and never will
Eat the berry "Dingle

Updated Little Tea Pot song.

I'm a little shot glass
Drip, drip, drop!
Narrow at the bottom
Wider at the top!

Fill me up with whiskey
Drink don't stop!
'Til your liver falls out
Ker-Plop!

Little Nell fell in a wok
And that's not very nice.
She's now known as a "Number 6"
Or simply "Nell Fried Rice".

I've Lost My Neck

I can't seem to locate my neck anywhere.
The loss of it's leaving me seething.
It angers me greatly and just for one point;
My bow ties prevent me from breathing.

Daniel McFries

Daniel McFries had dangerous eyes
And you would be scared if he met ya's.
Not that you'd fear his look were he near
But because he had lazer-beam retinas.

A Wildlife Question That Has Plagued Me For Decades

A slug in a shell or a snail, if you will
Is really the strangest of things.
It doesn't have fur or a beak or a snout
And it certainly doesn't have wings.

There's a shell curly-que and a long trail of goo
And eye stalks that constantly droop.
But it's body's concealed and I just want to know;
Where it deposits it's poop.

It Depends On How You Look At Things

I somehow got a rash
And I didn't spend no cash.
I got the rash for free
And now it's part of me.

I woke with it one morn
And that's when it was born.
A flaky little bubble
That soon grew into trouble.

It started on my chest
And then it did it's best
To grow and even more-so,
To cover up my torso.

It spread out to my limbs,
My thighs and knees and shins.
The rash grwe everywhere
(It even grew 'down there').

And sure as pigs are flabby
All my skin grew scabby;
An epidermal fuss
Of rashy, ooze-y pus.

It now looks like I'm meltin'
And ointments just ain't helpin'.
Outside I won't be gettin'
'Cause I'm all stuck to my bedding.

It's looking very dire
And I know I will expire.
But I'm happy with the fact
At least my lips aren't chapped.

The Tragic Tale of Tiny Lil and Wrinkled Dan

Tiny Lil and Wrinkled Dan
Were such a happy pair.
They lived outside of Boston
In a town not far from there.

Lil was nick-named "Tiny"
'Cause she weren't large in height.
Lil stood just two inches high
Which ain't that big, all right?

Wrinkled Dan was aptly named
'Cause he had yards of skin,
All deeply filled with fleshy folds
On neck and legs and chin.

Now one day after working late
Down at the Waffle House,
Wrinkled Dan came home to meet
Tiny Lil his spouse.

They kissed and hugged and danced a jig
And then they ate a meal
Of waffles Dan brought home from work
Along with corn and veal.

Then the couple went to bed
All comfy, warm and covered.
But tragedy would soon set in
As Wrinkled Dan discovered.

When Dan awoke he was alone;
No Tiny Lil in sight.
It seemed that Lil had vanished
In the middle of the night.

Wrinkled Dan looked high and low,
He even looked around.
But everywhere that Dan did look
Lil could not be found.

And just when Dan had given up
He realized something gruesome.
The reason that both he and Lil
Would never be a two-some.

Sometime in teh dark of night
When all was hushed and still,
A restless, sleeping, Wrinkled Dan
Had rolled on top of Lil.

The fleshy folds on Wrinkled Dan
Were half of Lil's demise.
The other part, of course was her
So very tiny size.

The cause of death left Wrinkled Dan
Far from jubilation.
Encased in wrinkles, Tiny Lil,
Died of suffocation.