Jenny and Her Face

Jenny always wore a veil
Fashioned from a doily.
Jenny wore the mask
Because her face was very oily.

She entered in a beauty show
And wound up in last place.
Jenny's skin was so slicked-up
Her nose slid off her face.

Little Nell

Little Nell wore cheese perfume.
She only wore it twice.
The second time, sweet darling Nell,
Was chewed apart by mice.

Little Nell

Little Nell, her hair fell out
From acid she was sloshin’.
It’s true she’s got less hair to clean
But lots more face for washin’.

Why Crabs Only Know One Dance

Crabs live in the ocean
So they have an brine-y smell.
They have six legs on both their sides
And live inside their shell.
They have two claws to pinch their dates
At the Crabby Dance on Fridays.
But crabs can only tango 'cause
Crabs, they just walk sideways.

Epitaphs IX

Accept into Heaven Ms. Betsy Dannear
Who sadly passed on at the start of this year.
She toasted with champagne and drank quite a lot.
She was so full of bubbles she popped on the spot.

Alternatives To The Harmless “Bed Bug” Rhyme Said To Children Before They Go To Sleep

Good night little one.
Now the day is all done.
And look out for the creature that bites you for fun.

And as the sun goes
Time for all kids to doze.
And beware of the ghost that will peel off your toes.

The Sandman has said,
“Time to snooze, sleepyhead.”
And don’t think of the spears that shoot up through your bed.

As sleep fills this space
Full of moonbeams and lace,
Look out for the thing that will gnaw off your face.

Have pleasant dreams
Of dancing ice creams.
And pay you no mind to those blood-curdling screams.

May the soft lullabies
Keep you safe ‘til sunrise
And demons love darkness so don’t shut your eyes.

Try not to pause it,
That Sandman’s deposit.
And watch for the lunatic crouched in your closet.

Little Nell

Little Nell cooked Bar-B-Que.
She loved the taste of it.
Her pig roast ended very wrong.
She wound up on the spit.